When the Answer Is No

Being a christian is not about getting what we want, when we want it.  We don't accept the free gift of salvation so that we can use God like a genie in a bottle, rubbing it and making our wish, thinking what we ask for we will get.  It doesn't work that way.

Sometimes I pray, asking God for the thing I want and His reply is, "No, my girl. Just trust me."

That's what faith is.  Trusting God in all things.  Not just some of the things...the things that go our way.  But even in the hard things.  When we don't understand.  When we can't make a bit of sense out of it.  We still desire His will and His plan more.

I've had a disappointment this week.  Things didn't go the way I had hoped.  I'm sad and heart broken.  My good, good Father is compassionate.  He is grieving with me.  Think about this...

Lazarus died.  His sisters, Mary and Martha were heart broken.  Jesus finally shows up after they had tried to get him there before Lazarus died.  They knew that Jesus could have healed him.  Jesus had another plan.

When Jesus saw the sisters weeping, he wept.  "Jesus wept."  This, probably the shortest verse in scripture, says so much about the character of our Lord.

Why did he weep?

It wasn't because he had lost a friend who he loved dearly.  He knew all along that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead.

"This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it." John 11:4

"Our friend Lazarus sleeps, but I go that I may wake him up." John 11:11

Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." John 11:23

He wept out of compassion.  He wept because those he loved wept.

He weeps with you.  He weeps with me.  But he has a plan.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

To know God is to love Him.  To love Him is to trust Him.  In all things.

So today I'm counting my blessings and they are many...

Yesterday morning I had decided to just stay in bed, pull the covers up over my head and have my own "pity party" as my daddy would say.  But then, through the monitor I hear a little voice calling for me and I knew I was needed.  I got myself up, made two sippy cups of milk and turned Mickey on.  Then I roused two big boys out of bed and continued to do the things mamas and daddys do.

I was thankful.  Thankful for all four of them.  Without even knowing it they kept me from feeling sorry for myself.  They reminded me how blessed I truly am.

Moments That Matter

It was bed time and I was tired!  Mama tired.  You know the kind.  It goes like this…

I worked. I rushed to pick up the kiddos so that we could be back to the house in time to see the little boys’ case manager.  I talked to her for a while.  I got more than a little frustrated at the lack of answers involving the little boys.  I quickly got some dinner together for us because by now it was a good bit past dinner time.  I gave the littles baths. I calmed a couple of temper tantrums. 

Then my big boys came home from the soccer game and the whole routine started again.  This time with some big boy attitude and “do I really have to take a shower?”

**side note:  Why are my boys surprised every night to learn that they have to take a shower.  We have been doing this for a long time now.  Why must it be such shocking and horrid news every night?**

So anyway, I was mama tired!

My head was about to hit the pillow when I hear, “Mama!?  Mama!! Mama!!?”

It was my nine year old “baby” and I knew what he wanted.  He often says to me, “Mama, come kiss me in the bed.”

As I got all cozy in my bed I told myself to just ignore it and it would go away.  I mean, I had already hugged and kissed him twice for pete’s sake! 

But then I had another thought…a gentle nudge to my heart and I thought, how many more times might he ask me to do this.  One day all too soon he will stop.

So I got up, went in their bedroom and said “What?”

“Mama, will you kiss me in bed?”  As he grins that charming grin he has perfected as the baby of our family.

I smile big and lean down over his big brother to kiss him. 

At some point they are both pulling on me, I lose my balance and find myself right in the middle of my two babies.  Babies who are nearly as big as I am.  We laugh and kiss and hug. 

I take a mental snap shot and pray that this sweet memory never fades.  Because these are the moments that really matter.

Nostalgia And An Update

Sometimes I believe that what I’m doing is serving others.  Making a difference in someone else’s life. But what happens is I’m changed.  The difference is made in my own heart. 

God has called us to help the widow and the orphan but in getting caught up in the calling, the doing, we might not see that He is growing us. Until the moment we do and it takes our breath.

This is what I’m learning, especially the past year through fostering.  It was a year ago…the Tuesday after Labor Day when those first two brown headed babies walked into our lives and changed us forever.

 

As we cared for them, loved them, our hearts broke over and over again.  Realizing where they came from and how great their needs were.  We were stretched and changed.  I read this on another blog not long ago and thought it was so elegantly put:

Our high calling is the spaces our heavenly Father grows us into as we realize we were made for more.  We weren’t made for happiness, or comfort, or ease.  We were made to look like Jesus…Everything is woven together to achieve that purpose.

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To update on our foster journey since, yes, it has been a while since I blogged.  Little Boy and Little Girl left our home in April.  They are doing great.  We’ve had them over several times for lots of snuggles and fun with the addition of their Big Sister.  We’re still praying for their situation because not all is resolved yet.  God is still in control of their story and I’m trusting that!

In June after not having a placement for a little over two months, the cutest, snuggliest little guy came to stay.  He was from a county pretty far over so after only about 2 ½ weeks he left us.  It was hard to see him go and I think about him often and pray for him.  I’m thankful to have gotten to know him.

So then July passed and then most of August.  We got a couple of calls for little ones but they ended up not working out.  Then we got a call from some friends who are also foster parents.  They are moving and were not being allowed to take the two little boys they’ve had for about 10 months.  They asked if we would be willing to take them.  We said yes!

It’s sad for our friends to say goodbye to these precious boys who have become just like their own.  It’s sad that the boys are being uprooted and have to get used to a new home, a new family even a new daycare.  So, it’s less than ideal to say the least.  But so many things are in foster care.  But God is still in control and his timing is everything. 

The boys are absolutely precious.  They are 2 ½ and 15 months and I believe they are the reason our home has been open for so long.

So…Rod and I are going on a trip for our anniversary that was in August.  When we return, we will pick up these sweet boys and for however long they need us, we will be a family of four boys.  Oh goodness!  The wrestling and horse playing that are in my future…

First day of school.  Sixth and Fourth Grade.

It’s hard.  It’s amazing.  We hurt. We’re broken. We cry. We laugh.  We love. We give.  And through it all we have the amazing privilege of seeing a glimpse of God’s glory.

Thankful Thursday - An Update

Today, on Thankful Thursday is a random thankful list/update on our lives.

Number One:
I’m thankful that the last day of school for our boys is tomorrow.  Yay!  Trash the books and put away the school uniforms for a couple of months. 

Summer, for us, means a less stressful schedule.  No homework, no lunches to pack and no strict bed time. 

Rod and I still work and the boys just go from staying with my parents to being dropped off at work with their daddy in the mornings, but it still is a season to be thankful for indeed.

Number Two:
I’m also thankful to be a parent.  Sometimes parenting teaches me as much as, I pray, I’m teaching our kids.  We faced a different parenting struggle this week that shook me up a bit. 

But what I kept thinking is how I felt about the poor choice my kid made.  It gave me a little insight into what my Heavenly Father may feel when I make poor choices and do things that are so displeasing to Him. 

Then I thought about grace.  Amazing grace!  Freely given.  Never earned.  How unworthy I am.  Praise the Lord, He didn’t just write me off years ago.  I heard someone say, “He’s no longer mad at me!”  That’s the truth!  Because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, my sins our forgiven and He isn’t mad at me.

We told our son this.  We used the situation as a way to show him grace, hopefully helping him to understand God’s grace better.

This parenting thing is hard!  I’m so thankful I’m not doing it alone.

Number Three:
After little boy and little girl left our home, we took about a month off from fostering to spend time as a family of four and just take a break from the rigors that is foster parenting.  You guys, it’s not as simple as just taking care of children (although that alone is not always so simple).  There are visits to our home, bio parent visits, required doctor appointments and the list goes on.

We’ve been waiting almost three weeks now for a foster placement call.  We’ve heard nothing, which is odd. So our month break is turning into two months. 

I’m thankful that God is in control and when the time is right we will get another placement.  I’m thankful that we can rest in knowing that we can help whoever, whenever they come into our home by God’s grace and through the leading of Holy Spirit.

Number Four:
One last thing…I’m thankful that a small vacation is coming up for us!  Woohoo!!

Thankful Thursday - National Day of Prayer

 

On this day, our nations National Day of Prayer, I'm thankful for prayer.  That we can bow our knee, and our hearts to the God of the universe, the Sovereign Lord, and talk with Him.  We can ask Him anything.  Tell Him anything. 

We can even be honest and broken. 

Can I get an amen?

How often do we try to pretend and pray a "holy" prayer to God?  Who are we kidding?  Let's just be honest with Him.  He knows how we're feeling anyway.  We might as well say, "God I know you're good.  I know that you love me.  But I'm just not feeling that way right now.  I don't like what's going on and I'm just mad (or sad or aggravated...)."

He wants communion with us and let me tell you we NEED communion with Him.  We can be friends of God.  The bible says this in John 15:13-15...

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

 

I'm so thankful today for the freedom to have personal prayer and the freedom to still pray in public, corporately.  And the fact that we still have a national day of prayer is a lot to be thankful for. 

In an age where there isn't a whole lot of promise for man kind in general it's amazing to know there are people who still believe in prayer and a nation who recognizes that.

Talk to God.  He's there and ready to listen.  I promise.

Weekend Wrap Up and Crazy Ramblings

We had a good but busy weekend.  We finally got to spend some time at the beach.  It was absolutely beautiful!  The weather was perfect and the breeze just right.  The beach is my happy place for sure. 

While we were there, we decided to take Carson out for a birthday dinner.  He chose Longhorns and ribs. 

Saturday night we celebrated Roddy's youngest brother's graduation from college.

So overall a pretty busy weekend and I'm in major need of sleep today. 

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It may be that I'm just tired but I'm struggling.  I know I'm so blessed and I'm thankful for so many things.  But do you ever struggle with getting your feelings to agree with what your mind knows? 

That's where I am.  I've tried to sort out what I'm feeling and all I can come up with is just a little sad and mully grubby (I know. not words).  Sad for the way things used to be.  Sad for the way things could have been.  I don't know...

I know we are where we need to be, doing what we need to be doing. It has been confirmed many times over.  So I know it in my head and my spirit.  It's just my feelings are not umm..."feeling it" the past few days.

I'm probably not making much sense so I'll just stick with what I know.  And I'll just keep saying it till I feel it.

I can trust God.
I believe He knows best for me and my family.
Circumstances don't change who I am in Christ.
God loves me and I don't deserve it.
Through it all...it is well!

Life is a journey and each step, a step closer to becoming that piece of pottery beautifully crafted by the Master Potter.  So keep moving forward. 

Thankful Thursday: My Little Family

I do hereby declare every Thursday, Thankful Thursday here at Ebb and Flow. 

 

There’s a verse that God brings to my mind often, in fact it’s hanging on the wall of my office.

 

In everything give thanks.  For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
~1 Thessalonians 5:18

I hung it up on my wall as a reminder because it’s so easy for me to just waller (I’m pretty sure that’s a word) in discontentment with this or that.  I have to remind myself to give thanks in everything.

You know, sometimes you can just get bogged down in everything that’s wrong instead of focusing on everything that’s right. 

Why is it God’s will for us to give thanks in everything?  When you focus on finding something to be thankful for in every situation something inside you will shift.  It’s an attitude adjustment, if you will. 

So really this practice is therapy for your soul.  So welcome to Therapy Thankful Thursday.  Feel free to share what you’re thankful for in the comments or share your blog post.

It is not happy people who are thankful;
It is thankful people who are happy. 

I’ll start with my little family.  I can always, always thank God for them and it will bring a smile to my face and my heart.  These are pictures from Easter.

Through fostering, there will be new faces added to this picture and forever added to our hearts.  Some may stay a short while and maybe one day there will be one (or more) that will stay forever.  But in any of those seasons, I will give God thanks for the precious children He has entrusted in our care.

And this man.  This vow.  This God ordained union.  I am thankful every day.  Through the good, the bad and the ugly.