Weekend Wrap Up and Crazy Ramblings

We had a good but busy weekend.  We finally got to spend some time at the beach.  It was absolutely beautiful!  The weather was perfect and the breeze just right.  The beach is my happy place for sure. 

While we were there, we decided to take Carson out for a birthday dinner.  He chose Longhorns and ribs. 

Saturday night we celebrated Roddy's youngest brother's graduation from college.

So overall a pretty busy weekend and I'm in major need of sleep today. 

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It may be that I'm just tired but I'm struggling.  I know I'm so blessed and I'm thankful for so many things.  But do you ever struggle with getting your feelings to agree with what your mind knows? 

That's where I am.  I've tried to sort out what I'm feeling and all I can come up with is just a little sad and mully grubby (I know. not words).  Sad for the way things used to be.  Sad for the way things could have been.  I don't know...

I know we are where we need to be, doing what we need to be doing. It has been confirmed many times over.  So I know it in my head and my spirit.  It's just my feelings are not umm..."feeling it" the past few days.

I'm probably not making much sense so I'll just stick with what I know.  And I'll just keep saying it till I feel it.

I can trust God.
I believe He knows best for me and my family.
Circumstances don't change who I am in Christ.
God loves me and I don't deserve it.
Through it all...it is well!

Life is a journey and each step, a step closer to becoming that piece of pottery beautifully crafted by the Master Potter.  So keep moving forward. 

Thankful Thursday: My Little Family

I do hereby declare every Thursday, Thankful Thursday here at Ebb and Flow. 

 

There’s a verse that God brings to my mind often, in fact it’s hanging on the wall of my office.

 

In everything give thanks.  For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
~1 Thessalonians 5:18

I hung it up on my wall as a reminder because it’s so easy for me to just waller (I’m pretty sure that’s a word) in discontentment with this or that.  I have to remind myself to give thanks in everything.

You know, sometimes you can just get bogged down in everything that’s wrong instead of focusing on everything that’s right. 

Why is it God’s will for us to give thanks in everything?  When you focus on finding something to be thankful for in every situation something inside you will shift.  It’s an attitude adjustment, if you will. 

So really this practice is therapy for your soul.  So welcome to Therapy Thankful Thursday.  Feel free to share what you’re thankful for in the comments or share your blog post.

It is not happy people who are thankful;
It is thankful people who are happy. 

I’ll start with my little family.  I can always, always thank God for them and it will bring a smile to my face and my heart.  These are pictures from Easter.

Through fostering, there will be new faces added to this picture and forever added to our hearts.  Some may stay a short while and maybe one day there will be one (or more) that will stay forever.  But in any of those seasons, I will give God thanks for the precious children He has entrusted in our care.

And this man.  This vow.  This God ordained union.  I am thankful every day.  Through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Hello to Nine

Today my baby turns nine. 

 

 

This mama is struggling with this because obviously nine is no longer a baby.  But, my baby he is.  My second and last born. 

He’s changed our world these past nine years.  He’s teaching us how to be parents in a way his brother never has.  He’s funny.  Witty.  Charming to a fault.  He’s always working an angle.  Always up to something. He approaches life as one big court room in which he is the lawyer and everyone else is the jury that needs convincing.  He’s affectionate and still needs those hugs and kisses. 

His personality is so different than mine that sometimes I wonder how he grew in my belly.  I struggle to understand him.  But then other times, I sit back in amazement at the way God created him.  And I realize God has a purpose for this fire cracker that I could never imagine. 

So today instead of saying goodbye to a baby boy, I’m saying hello to a future orchestrated and written by our heavenly Father.  He loves him more than I do.  I trust Him to write a beautiful story for our Car-Man.

Hello to the last year in the single digits.

Hello to pre teen years.

Hello to growing in His faith.

Hello to his contagious love of life and his ability to make us laugh.

Hello to the privilege of seeing his ninth year unfold and being able to guide him as best we can.

Happy Birthday to one of the loves of my life!

He requested Walmart Cupcakes.  Yuck!



I'm linking with Lisa Leonard.

Hello Monday and 2015

It's Monday...time for hellos.

Hello to a new year.

Hello to getting back into routine.

Hello to our oldest' first basketball game tonight. He's excited! He's also cute. ;). Goodness he's getting big. 

Hello to keeping our Littles still at said basketball game. I'm thinking stroller and a movie. 

Hello to counting down the days until Spring Break. 

Hello to a new week, a new day and hitting the restart button.  Praise God we can do that because He knows I make a mess of things almost daily. 

Hello to a really late Christmas recap.  

decorating cookies

               

 

Excited Faces

WIWW - Vacation Prep

 

We recently went on a great big family vacation to Washington, D.C.  It was the whole family...five siblings, five spouses and six kids all on the same plane.  We met up with Roddy's mom along with local family and friends in Maryland.  It was a great time with lots of memories made.  I'll share more pics of the trip soon. 

But today is What I Wore Wednesday, Packing for vacation edition...

The night before the trip, I packed myself.  Thank God I already had the other four people in my house packed up (hubs does his own ;))  So as I was putting my outfits together, I took pictures of a few to send to my sister for her input.  Is that weird?  Have you ever done this?  We do this often, my sister and I.  We get early weekday morning outfit pics, Sunday morning pics and night before pics from each other.  Girls gotta get another opinion, right?  Especially in my house.  If I ask my husband or boys, I'll get a thumbs up then get pushed out of the way of the TV.  (Its really not that bad, but close.)

So anyway, these are some of the pics I took to send her.  They are rough and blurry.  It was late.  I was tired.  And I needed jewelry and shoes to get the full affect, but that's OK.  It's still fun, right?

 



Outfit 1:  A comfy black maxi skirt with white stripes from Old Navy with a t-shirt and green cardigan.

Then I sent her this with a chambray shirt instead saying I think I like this better.  She agreed.  I had a really cute statement necklace to wear with this too and black booties.

Outfit 2:  Dress for Roddy's grandpa's memorial service.  I wore it with tights and booties.  Here we are the day of the service in front of the pretty little church where it was held. 

Outfit 3:  This was the final pic I sent - jeans, top from Old Navy and scarf.  She was probably getting tired of me by now. Oh and I'm not sure about the raised eyebrows...

Then I said wait, this is better?  I got her approval.  Then I left her alone.  The end. 

Broken to Beautiful: Part 4



 

Sweet homemade Valentine from my guys.

So the beginning of the last part of this story started around March of this year.  We were going through a very hard change (read part 3 here) and we were praying about whether or not to try again to have a baby.  The doctor had told us, once again, that he saw no reason why I couldn't have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby.  However, a huge part of me didn't want to go through that loss again.  So there was that and we were just really hurting about leaving our church when we got a dinner invitation.

The invite came from a great couple who we knew, had grown up with and been around in different seasons of our lives, but had never really hung out with a whole lot.  (If that makes sense...) It was a random invitation orchestrated by God.

The dinner was good and just what we needed.  We had so many things in common (we were going through very similar situations) that I believe we were able to minister to one another.  God is pretty amazing like that.  He always brings exactly who and what you need at exactly the right time.

That night in some of our conversations, it was randomly brought up that they had started the M.A.P.P. class.  M.A.P.P. stands for Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting and it is an 8 week class that is required for foster parenting and state adoption.  This sweet Godly couple said that they were gonna go through the class and see where God lead them.  They were saying that by taking the class it didn't mean you had to get licensed to foster but it was a step in that direction.  My sweet friend said, "Y'all should go to the next class with us.  You only missed the introduction, the first class starts this week."

We said OK and that we would think about it and that was it.  I honestly didn't think too much more about it.  You see, adopting has always been in the back of our minds, but fostering I shied away from.  I didn't think I could do it.  I didn't think I could deal with the hurt and loss that it would involve. 

The next couple of days my friend and I were texting and she mentioned the class again.  So I asked Roddy what he thought about just trying the class out.  I really thought he would say no not right now.  But, without much hesitation at all he said, "Yeah, let's try it.  What do you think?"  I said ok. 

So we went.  And listened.  And just like that our path was changed. Sometimes the ugly of the world is forgotten, kind of "out of site, out of mind".  Well this ugliness was in our faces.  It was as if God was saying, "Here are my little children.  They need you.  They need love.  They need Me.  What are you gonna do about it?"

We made a decision that first night.  I can't say it was a solid yes, (because this yes would definitely waver over the next months) but we knew there was no going back.  This was what God was asking us to do and it was up to us to obey.

There were a few details about taking this class that may not seem like a big deal, but for us it was the push, the green light, we needed to go forward.  First of all the class was held on Wednesday nights.  We had never been at a point in our lives where we weren't committed to church on Wednesday nights, but here we were, not committed and available.  Secondly, the childcare was provided.  The classes were held at a church with a good kids' program and our boys were welcomed.  Then, for the extra time the class went after church was over, more childcare was provided for us.  How awesome is that?

God opened this door for us, wide.  He worked out the details.  We just had to show up.  So we did,  week after week.  As I look back now, it was a good season for us.  God was using the time to heal us, to prepare us.



(Wedding fun in June.) 

By June, after mountains of paper work, two home visits, Craig's List purchases, one fire alarm, one new door knob, etc. etc....we had the class and the home study done.  All we had to do was wait for approval from the proper state authorities.

Now, I'm gonna be real and honest.  I'm the kind of person who has to think through every possible scenario, good and bad, to prepare my mind.  I needed to think through this whole foster thing and examine every crook and cranny of what could happen.  Needless to say I drove Rod crazy.  Countless times I would come to the conclusion that we couldn't do it.  There was just no way.  And every time Rod would remind me, no we can't do it.  But God can do it through us.  He was my good dose of perspective many times over (and still is).

July 4th gorgeous beach

 

Watching fireworks on the beach.

On July 24, I got a text that afternoon that said, "Congratulations, you are now a licensed foster home!"  I was excited, but I panicked.  Then I decided to breathe again.  I knew we had a trip coming up and we asked to not get a placement until after that trip.  So I knew I at least had a couple of weeks to finish prepping.

Us in St Louis

We went on our trip and came home.  I fully expected to have a placement the week we returned.  But over the next three weeks, we got probably four different prospective placement calls that didn't work out for one reason or another.

I now know that God was still preparing us for the two little people he had for us and late one September evening, in God's perfect timing, those two littles showed up at our home.  Four little arms were wide open thirsting for love.  Four little arms clinging to us with all the strength they had.  Two hearts needing to be rescued.

It has been a privilege these past few weeks.  An exhausting, very hard, overwhelming, emotional roller coaster privilege.  But, what an honor to be able to pour into theses little lives.  To love on them as much as possible, fight for them and pray over them daily. 

Precious little feet.

I'm not saying I have it all together, all the time.  There are moments of thinking we can do this and then moments where the fears and doubts creep in.  Sometimes, the only thing I have energy for is to say the name Jesus.  It's enough. 

Jesus, It's the name I whisper as I get them out of their beds in the morning and the last name I whisper as I put them down at night.  Because only He knows their story.  He is their rescuer. 

He has rescued me.  And everyday He makes the broken beautiful.

Broken to Beautiful: Part 3

It's been a while.  I was procrastinating again because it's hard.  But I need to finish this part of my story.  I need to get it all out to give God all the glory.  Join me?  Read the intro here, part 1 here and part 2 here.  Be Blessed!

Christmas 2013

It probably started about 2.5 years ago.  The gentle urging in our spirits.  The whisper from the Lord asking us to change, to step away from the familiar and the known.  What he was asking was something so difficult for the both of us, that we ignored it for a while.  When ignoring was no longer possible, we prayed.  We prayed for two years and then prayed some more. 

You see, this was one of those changes that we didn't want to get wrong.  We wanted to know that it was God's will for us.  After much prayer, many conversations and even more tears we finally said yes.  It was the hardest yes I've ever had to say to God and as a wife to my husband.

In January, we made the decision to leave our home church of about 20 years.  To say this was home is a gross understatement.  Rod and I met at this church when we were only youth, participating in youth mission trips and doing drama together.  We married there.  We had our babies while there and it was the only church they knew.  We've shared so many memories and made so many dear friends.  Friends that will forever be family.  A lot of our blood family attends and my dad is the Pastor.  It was home.  Leaving was one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things I've ever done.

Home is familiar and safe.  Home is where everyone knows you.  They've seen some of your good and some of your bad and they still love you.  Home is security and stepping away from that is scary.

There was also another very personal inner struggle I had going on inside of  me.  We had been the Worship Leaders for about 13 years.  That's pretty much our whole marriage.  Letting this go was extremely difficult for me.  I love to sing.  Leading others in worshiping our wonderful God is my passion.  But, He is my biggest passion and to obey Him I had to let this title go.

I couldn't let "worship leader" define me.  Because really what God has placed in front of us as a way to serve Him could change at any time.  Just because the way we serve changes, it doesn't change who we serve.  He is the same.  It's His love and saving grace that defines who I am.

So , I gave this to God and if He wanted me to lead worship again, I would and if not I would learn to rest in that.  Has it been easy?  No way.  But the bottom line is I trust God.  Period.

It's almost been eight months since we stepped out into the unknown and God has been faithful.  God has lead us to a new church home with loving and awesome people.  A place where we are growing and being challenged in our walks with God.  Rod is playing guitar and I am singing with the worship team.  Our boys are thriving and growing in their relationships with God. Roddy is also going to seminary school online.

We didn't leave our church because of a disagreement.  We weren't mad or upset with anyone.  We were following the leading of the Lord.  I am only saying this because that is the case with so many.  However, we were heartbroken, kind of like leaving home when I went to college.  I was excited for the next step but I cried myself to sleep that first night away from home.  With time that hurt healed and with time this hurt is healing. 

I praise God for those 20 years and will be forever grateful for those people who poured themselves into me so that I might be able to empty into others. My relationship with God was nurtured and grew.  I was blessed with many relationships that I will cherish forever. 

This was a big step we had to take that lead us to the next big yes for our lives.  In fact I think everything in our lives this far have lead us to this yes.  I will tell you all about it in part 4...

Broken to Beautiful: Part 2

I'm opening up a little and sharing a very hard piece of my story.  Want to join me?  Read the intro here.  And part 1 here.

My doctor told us we could try again to have a baby if we wanted.  He didn't see any reason that we wouldn't have a successful pregnancy.  So after some prayer, we decided to try again with renewed hope.

Once again, really soon, I had the positive pregnancy test.  But, this time things were different.  We wanted to be excited, but it was just too natural to protect our hearts and not let ourselves get too excited.  We hardly told anyone, but the few we did tell were praying with us. 

It was almost three weeks from the time I found out I was pregnant until I went to the doctor.  Those three weeks were a constant battle of my mind.  I tried to trust God and not worry.  I tried to just live life as if I wasn't pregnant at all (protecting my heart again). I worked at appearing normal to everyone around me.  All the while, I couldn't help myself, I got excited and started day dreaming about this new little person.  I thought about what he or she would look like and the smells and the little baby stretches (don't you just love those).  I even talked to this person I was dreaming of.  Of course I was alone and no one knew this but me.  I can't believe I'm confessing it now. :)

The day of my appointment came and I sat in the ultrasound room waiting with Rod by my side.  I'm not sure about him but every emotion imaginable was going on in me.  I was scared and nervous but there was hope and excitement.  I lay there and the technician began the process of searching for life.  My eyes were glued to the screen, searching for some little semblance of a heart beat, anything.  After several minutes of silence passed and I saw no tiny heart beating, I knew.  This was a repeat of last time.  I put my brave face on and decided right then that I was going to be strong. 

The technician doesn't really tell you much so we had to wait to see my doctor.  We waited.  Me with my brave exterior.  Rod with his sad somber face and eyes of concern that kept looking at me.  He knew it was coming even though I thought I was fine. 

The doctor came in and started talking.  I can't remember what he said exactly, I think it was something about our boys, but the flood gates opened and I lost it.  I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to and believe me I wanted to.  So much for my brave face.

It was another blighted ovum.  Another life halted before it even began.  But God knew.  He was never surprised by any of it.

It was November and I was doing 30 days of thankful on facebook.  As I look back I know God lead me to do this because being thankful for His blessings was my focus over the next month.  Being thankful was my lifeline that eventually helped bring healing. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

But on this day, we left the doctor and I sat in the car with tears streaming down my face and typed this on facebook: 

Day15: I'm thankful that my Father God will never leave me, He will go with me to the end. He knows the plans He has for me and His way is best. Even when it's hard and doesn't make sense I can trust His love, goodness and sovereignty. #30daysofthankful

As I said...lifeline.  He was and is the one who sustains me and He is always with us.  How amazing is that?!!

The next several weeks were pretty much a repeat of the first time, but as Thanksgiving approached I continued to focus on my blessings.  The timing of the season was no coincidence. 

Thanksgiving Day 2013
Roddy had to go to Mississippi with his dad to help clean out his grandpa's house.
We were missing him but happy to have each other and our family.

I had, and still have, so many things to be thankful for.  A  husband who loves me and is my best friend, two healthy, beautiful boys and family who is supportive and will walk through the fire, if needed, with me and the list could go on and on.  The truth is we all have things to be thankful for if we look for them.  And even if life is falling apart all around us we have this:

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners,

Christ died for us.   Romans 5:8

 

That's enough.  In fact, it's more than enough...it's everything! I encourage you to read the whole chapter of Romans 5.  So good!

My babies, November 2013.  Go Noles!

Us for a short getaway, early December 2013

I learn more with each hard thing life brings my way that the pain, the hurt, it has a bigger purpose than just being hard.  God will always use it in some way when you are a believer allowing Holy

Spirit to guide you.  The trial changes you.  Makes us more like Him.  A little at a time. 

 

Sometimes God lets us understand some of that purpose and we get to see how all the pieces start to fit together.  I am seeing a little bit of that one day at a time.

 

Join me soon for part 3...

Hello Monday...A Day Late

I'm saying hello to a new week, a day late and sharing some photos from our trip last week.  Even though it was a work trip for me, we did manage to have some fun along the way. I'm linking with Lisa Leonard.  What are you saying hello to this week?

 

Hello road trip....a very long road trip!  First Stop, St. Louis.

 

 

Hello Cardinals game and two very excited boys.  We had a great time.  Even me and I don't really love baseball.  I just love watching my guys love baseball and getting excited and hi-fiving their daddy.

 

Hello Gateway Arch.

 

 

Hello tiny pod elevators that took us to the top of the arch.  Claustrophobic much? Scary much?  Yes!! 

 

 

Next we headed to Lincoln, Nebraska where I had training for work.  The week was full of exploring and swimming for my guys but work for me.  However, we did have some fun at night and tried a few new restaurants. 

 

Hello our 14th Anniversary! 

 

Hello silly boys climbing on a train.  Where are Carson's shoes?  Who knows.

 

We had a great time and made lots of memories to have forever.  But it was so great to get back to our Florida sunshine and beaches. 

 

Hello first day of school! 

Hello routine.

Hello early bedtimes.

Hello homework.

Hello showers every night.  I had to add that because I think this is the boys' least favorite thing about starting back to school.  They're gross like that.