Nostalgia And An Update

Sometimes I believe that what I’m doing is serving others.  Making a difference in someone else’s life. But what happens is I’m changed.  The difference is made in my own heart. 

God has called us to help the widow and the orphan but in getting caught up in the calling, the doing, we might not see that He is growing us. Until the moment we do and it takes our breath.

This is what I’m learning, especially the past year through fostering.  It was a year ago…the Tuesday after Labor Day when those first two brown headed babies walked into our lives and changed us forever.

 

As we cared for them, loved them, our hearts broke over and over again.  Realizing where they came from and how great their needs were.  We were stretched and changed.  I read this on another blog not long ago and thought it was so elegantly put:

Our high calling is the spaces our heavenly Father grows us into as we realize we were made for more.  We weren’t made for happiness, or comfort, or ease.  We were made to look like Jesus…Everything is woven together to achieve that purpose.

*****************************************************************

To update on our foster journey since, yes, it has been a while since I blogged.  Little Boy and Little Girl left our home in April.  They are doing great.  We’ve had them over several times for lots of snuggles and fun with the addition of their Big Sister.  We’re still praying for their situation because not all is resolved yet.  God is still in control of their story and I’m trusting that!

In June after not having a placement for a little over two months, the cutest, snuggliest little guy came to stay.  He was from a county pretty far over so after only about 2 ½ weeks he left us.  It was hard to see him go and I think about him often and pray for him.  I’m thankful to have gotten to know him.

So then July passed and then most of August.  We got a couple of calls for little ones but they ended up not working out.  Then we got a call from some friends who are also foster parents.  They are moving and were not being allowed to take the two little boys they’ve had for about 10 months.  They asked if we would be willing to take them.  We said yes!

It’s sad for our friends to say goodbye to these precious boys who have become just like their own.  It’s sad that the boys are being uprooted and have to get used to a new home, a new family even a new daycare.  So, it’s less than ideal to say the least.  But so many things are in foster care.  But God is still in control and his timing is everything. 

The boys are absolutely precious.  They are 2 ½ and 15 months and I believe they are the reason our home has been open for so long.

So…Rod and I are going on a trip for our anniversary that was in August.  When we return, we will pick up these sweet boys and for however long they need us, we will be a family of four boys.  Oh goodness!  The wrestling and horse playing that are in my future…

First day of school.  Sixth and Fourth Grade.

It’s hard.  It’s amazing.  We hurt. We’re broken. We cry. We laugh.  We love. We give.  And through it all we have the amazing privilege of seeing a glimpse of God’s glory.

Saying Goodbye

So our foster journey has changed...

Almost two weeks ago, our two Littles left our home.  After seven months with these precious babies, we said goodbye.  It has been an adjustment and our hearts are sad, but there is a very good side to this story because God has been so good in the whole situation. 

Let me tell you all about it…

(First I need to say that I want to share as much of our story and our experiences as possible without sharing too much of the Littles' story. My prayer is that one day they will share their own stories and give God all the honor in doing so.)

Over the past months, we were asked several times if given the opportunity, would we be willing to adopt.  We always replied that we would consider it but never a definite yes.  We never felt at peace with saying yes for sure.  Although we love them (and always will) and knew that they would have a home with us as long as needed, we didn’t feel released to say yes to forever.

This bothered me badly (putting it mildly) for a long time.  I couldn’t say yes, but I couldn’t let these precious little people go somewhere that I didn’t know, without doubt, that they would be loved, safe and most importantly taught about the Lord.

I was letting this internal struggle torture me.  Let me tell you, this wasn’t good for me or anyone in our home. 

One morning on the way to work, I began to pray about it.  Serious prayer with my Father because I couldn’t carry the burden any longer.  

Enter peace that passes all understanding…

Goodness I’m stubborn.  I could have just given it to God in the beginning.  And you know what?  I told myself that I had, but I hadn’t. Not really.  God is good and I thank him for His patience with this stubborn chick. ;)

It is here that I need to interject another side to this story.  Our two Littles have an older sister.  She’s five and she’s precious.  She was (and still is) placed in a local foster home only a short distance from our home. 

Over the months we had developed a relationship with her foster parents who are dear, Godly people.  It was a blessing to walk the crazy journey that is foster care alongside them.  We were often able to pray for each other and encourage one another. 

They said yes to adopting big sister if given the opportunity and after some time God began to deal with them about adopting all three siblings.  That part is their story to tell but I’ll tell you it was pretty awesome the way God orchestrated. 

So about a week after my surrendering the situation to God, the other foster mom was having her own struggle.  After much prayer and confirmation from God, they decided they would be willing to adopt all three kiddos but didn’t know exactly where we stood on our end.  They didn’t want to hurt us and were just generally struggling with how to talk with us about it.

I was out of town for work and she called me.  She said she had to talk with me and began to tell me how God was leading them and how they don’t want to hurt us at all.  As she talked, I began to cry silent tears.  God was taking care of the situation in a way I least expected.

After she finished talking, I told her how this was an answer to prayer and she began to cry.  I had church with this sweet friend standing in the hallway of the hotel.  We were both astounded at the goodness of God.

Later she told me how terrified she was to have this conversation with me and how bathed in prayer it was before she even picked up the phone. 

Oh let me tell you, our God is good!

Very soon after, it was decided that it was best to go ahead and place all three kids in the other foster home.  So we spent about two months with the kids having visits with their new family to allow for an adjustment period. 

Then just before the kids moved, we had the privilege of taking them to Disney for Spring Break.  This was a special week for me, Roddy and our boys. 

Now they are in their new home and although the journey isn’t over, we know we can trust God to continue to work things out for all of our good.  They are doing well and adjusting fabulously.  I get pictures of the kids from my dear friend every day and I can’t even began to say what a blessing that is.  We are so blessed to be able to continue to be a part of their lives as aunt and uncle and can’t wait to see what God has for their future.

Saying goodbye has been hard.  But, we are so fortunate that this isn't the typical foster goodbye because it's not goodbye forever.  It's very hard to explain the emotions but this I do know...

Where joy and sadness meet, God is there also!

Why?

I'm a mess guys...  My emotions have been all over the place and I'm going to write about it.  Writing has always been a sort of therapy for me, however I may regret how publicly I am going with my therapy.  But, at the same time, I always come back to if what I write can help someone who may be going through a similar circumstance then putting myself out there is well worth it.

This morning was a typical Marvelous Monday morning.  My big boys go to school with my sister a little before me and I take the Littles to day care later on.  Of course I was running late (being Marvelous Monday and all) and knew that the only way they would get some breakfast in them was cheerios in the car.  I gave the littlest princess hers in a snack cup and the little guy his in a ziplock bag.  I put the bag of cereal on the side between the car seat and his leg hoping that this would prevent him from spilling it. 

We start to head down the road and I look in the rear view mirror.  I see big brown eyes starting to brim with tears, a pouty lip and a broken heart and something in me snaps.  I sob. 

Little boy is sad because he thinks that by putting the cereal on the side instead of in between his legs that I've said he can't have it.  I see below the surface of the cereal and see a broken spirit, a wounded heart and I break. 

I'm so angry!  I want to beat the air with my fists and shout out "why?" at the top of my lungs.  Why do these little ones have to deal with the ugliness of this world?  They didn't ask for this.  Why do people hurt and wound the ones they should love?  It isn't right.  It isn't fair!

While this has been building up for days within me; the frustration, the impatience, the anger, I know in the core of myself why.  Are any of us really any different than these little ones, than their parents?  The reality is we are all filthy sinners in desperate need of a loving saviour.  We are all wounded in one way or another. 

Some of us choose to accept the free gift of salvation, a regenerated life, the bridging of the gap between ourselves and God.  While others do not, have not yet...

But even when we do know the Lord and have a relationship with Him, there are still the why's, the frustration, imperfection and sin we deal with daily.  But we have a peace in the midst of the storm, He is called our anchor.

I heard a song I had never heard before today and these words jumped out.  They were exactly what I needed to hear:

I could throw my fist in the air demanding answers
But in spite of all the questions
I’m still giving You my life
And if it doesn’t turn out like I think it should
It doesn’t change the fact You’re always good

As long as we are in this fallen world, there will be evil, awful things.  But knowing Jesus is knowing hope.  Trusting Him is trusting all His ways.

I think this fostering journey is changing me more than the little guys.  Most days I'm a super big mess in need of a whole lot of grace.  But I know that this is what God has put before us.  This is who God brought to us.  Two little wounded lives.  I believe in time He is healing them and me...

I don't often ask for help, but today I'm asking for prayers.  If you read this and believe in the power of prayer, please mention us before our Heavenly Father.  And if you have a need, please comment and let me know and I will be glad to pray for you as well. 

We aren't meant to walk through this life alone.  Be blessed!  You are loved by an amazing God!