Moments That Matter

It was bed time and I was tired!  Mama tired.  You know the kind.  It goes like this…

I worked. I rushed to pick up the kiddos so that we could be back to the house in time to see the little boys’ case manager.  I talked to her for a while.  I got more than a little frustrated at the lack of answers involving the little boys.  I quickly got some dinner together for us because by now it was a good bit past dinner time.  I gave the littles baths. I calmed a couple of temper tantrums. 

Then my big boys came home from the soccer game and the whole routine started again.  This time with some big boy attitude and “do I really have to take a shower?”

**side note:  Why are my boys surprised every night to learn that they have to take a shower.  We have been doing this for a long time now.  Why must it be such shocking and horrid news every night?**

So anyway, I was mama tired!

My head was about to hit the pillow when I hear, “Mama!?  Mama!! Mama!!?”

It was my nine year old “baby” and I knew what he wanted.  He often says to me, “Mama, come kiss me in the bed.”

As I got all cozy in my bed I told myself to just ignore it and it would go away.  I mean, I had already hugged and kissed him twice for pete’s sake! 

But then I had another thought…a gentle nudge to my heart and I thought, how many more times might he ask me to do this.  One day all too soon he will stop.

So I got up, went in their bedroom and said “What?”

“Mama, will you kiss me in bed?”  As he grins that charming grin he has perfected as the baby of our family.

I smile big and lean down over his big brother to kiss him. 

At some point they are both pulling on me, I lose my balance and find myself right in the middle of my two babies.  Babies who are nearly as big as I am.  We laugh and kiss and hug. 

I take a mental snap shot and pray that this sweet memory never fades.  Because these are the moments that really matter.

Nostalgia And An Update

Sometimes I believe that what I’m doing is serving others.  Making a difference in someone else’s life. But what happens is I’m changed.  The difference is made in my own heart. 

God has called us to help the widow and the orphan but in getting caught up in the calling, the doing, we might not see that He is growing us. Until the moment we do and it takes our breath.

This is what I’m learning, especially the past year through fostering.  It was a year ago…the Tuesday after Labor Day when those first two brown headed babies walked into our lives and changed us forever.

 

As we cared for them, loved them, our hearts broke over and over again.  Realizing where they came from and how great their needs were.  We were stretched and changed.  I read this on another blog not long ago and thought it was so elegantly put:

Our high calling is the spaces our heavenly Father grows us into as we realize we were made for more.  We weren’t made for happiness, or comfort, or ease.  We were made to look like Jesus…Everything is woven together to achieve that purpose.

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To update on our foster journey since, yes, it has been a while since I blogged.  Little Boy and Little Girl left our home in April.  They are doing great.  We’ve had them over several times for lots of snuggles and fun with the addition of their Big Sister.  We’re still praying for their situation because not all is resolved yet.  God is still in control of their story and I’m trusting that!

In June after not having a placement for a little over two months, the cutest, snuggliest little guy came to stay.  He was from a county pretty far over so after only about 2 ½ weeks he left us.  It was hard to see him go and I think about him often and pray for him.  I’m thankful to have gotten to know him.

So then July passed and then most of August.  We got a couple of calls for little ones but they ended up not working out.  Then we got a call from some friends who are also foster parents.  They are moving and were not being allowed to take the two little boys they’ve had for about 10 months.  They asked if we would be willing to take them.  We said yes!

It’s sad for our friends to say goodbye to these precious boys who have become just like their own.  It’s sad that the boys are being uprooted and have to get used to a new home, a new family even a new daycare.  So, it’s less than ideal to say the least.  But so many things are in foster care.  But God is still in control and his timing is everything. 

The boys are absolutely precious.  They are 2 ½ and 15 months and I believe they are the reason our home has been open for so long.

So…Rod and I are going on a trip for our anniversary that was in August.  When we return, we will pick up these sweet boys and for however long they need us, we will be a family of four boys.  Oh goodness!  The wrestling and horse playing that are in my future…

First day of school.  Sixth and Fourth Grade.

It’s hard.  It’s amazing.  We hurt. We’re broken. We cry. We laugh.  We love. We give.  And through it all we have the amazing privilege of seeing a glimpse of God’s glory.

Thankful Thursday - An Update

Today, on Thankful Thursday is a random thankful list/update on our lives.

Number One:
I’m thankful that the last day of school for our boys is tomorrow.  Yay!  Trash the books and put away the school uniforms for a couple of months. 

Summer, for us, means a less stressful schedule.  No homework, no lunches to pack and no strict bed time. 

Rod and I still work and the boys just go from staying with my parents to being dropped off at work with their daddy in the mornings, but it still is a season to be thankful for indeed.

Number Two:
I’m also thankful to be a parent.  Sometimes parenting teaches me as much as, I pray, I’m teaching our kids.  We faced a different parenting struggle this week that shook me up a bit. 

But what I kept thinking is how I felt about the poor choice my kid made.  It gave me a little insight into what my Heavenly Father may feel when I make poor choices and do things that are so displeasing to Him. 

Then I thought about grace.  Amazing grace!  Freely given.  Never earned.  How unworthy I am.  Praise the Lord, He didn’t just write me off years ago.  I heard someone say, “He’s no longer mad at me!”  That’s the truth!  Because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, my sins our forgiven and He isn’t mad at me.

We told our son this.  We used the situation as a way to show him grace, hopefully helping him to understand God’s grace better.

This parenting thing is hard!  I’m so thankful I’m not doing it alone.

Number Three:
After little boy and little girl left our home, we took about a month off from fostering to spend time as a family of four and just take a break from the rigors that is foster parenting.  You guys, it’s not as simple as just taking care of children (although that alone is not always so simple).  There are visits to our home, bio parent visits, required doctor appointments and the list goes on.

We’ve been waiting almost three weeks now for a foster placement call.  We’ve heard nothing, which is odd. So our month break is turning into two months. 

I’m thankful that God is in control and when the time is right we will get another placement.  I’m thankful that we can rest in knowing that we can help whoever, whenever they come into our home by God’s grace and through the leading of Holy Spirit.

Number Four:
One last thing…I’m thankful that a small vacation is coming up for us!  Woohoo!!

Thankful Thursday - National Day of Prayer

 

On this day, our nations National Day of Prayer, I'm thankful for prayer.  That we can bow our knee, and our hearts to the God of the universe, the Sovereign Lord, and talk with Him.  We can ask Him anything.  Tell Him anything. 

We can even be honest and broken. 

Can I get an amen?

How often do we try to pretend and pray a "holy" prayer to God?  Who are we kidding?  Let's just be honest with Him.  He knows how we're feeling anyway.  We might as well say, "God I know you're good.  I know that you love me.  But I'm just not feeling that way right now.  I don't like what's going on and I'm just mad (or sad or aggravated...)."

He wants communion with us and let me tell you we NEED communion with Him.  We can be friends of God.  The bible says this in John 15:13-15...

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

 

I'm so thankful today for the freedom to have personal prayer and the freedom to still pray in public, corporately.  And the fact that we still have a national day of prayer is a lot to be thankful for. 

In an age where there isn't a whole lot of promise for man kind in general it's amazing to know there are people who still believe in prayer and a nation who recognizes that.

Talk to God.  He's there and ready to listen.  I promise.

Weekend Wrap Up and Crazy Ramblings

We had a good but busy weekend.  We finally got to spend some time at the beach.  It was absolutely beautiful!  The weather was perfect and the breeze just right.  The beach is my happy place for sure. 

While we were there, we decided to take Carson out for a birthday dinner.  He chose Longhorns and ribs. 

Saturday night we celebrated Roddy's youngest brother's graduation from college.

So overall a pretty busy weekend and I'm in major need of sleep today. 

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It may be that I'm just tired but I'm struggling.  I know I'm so blessed and I'm thankful for so many things.  But do you ever struggle with getting your feelings to agree with what your mind knows? 

That's where I am.  I've tried to sort out what I'm feeling and all I can come up with is just a little sad and mully grubby (I know. not words).  Sad for the way things used to be.  Sad for the way things could have been.  I don't know...

I know we are where we need to be, doing what we need to be doing. It has been confirmed many times over.  So I know it in my head and my spirit.  It's just my feelings are not umm..."feeling it" the past few days.

I'm probably not making much sense so I'll just stick with what I know.  And I'll just keep saying it till I feel it.

I can trust God.
I believe He knows best for me and my family.
Circumstances don't change who I am in Christ.
God loves me and I don't deserve it.
Through it all...it is well!

Life is a journey and each step, a step closer to becoming that piece of pottery beautifully crafted by the Master Potter.  So keep moving forward. 

Thankful Thursday: My Little Family

I do hereby declare every Thursday, Thankful Thursday here at Ebb and Flow. 

 

There’s a verse that God brings to my mind often, in fact it’s hanging on the wall of my office.

 

In everything give thanks.  For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
~1 Thessalonians 5:18

I hung it up on my wall as a reminder because it’s so easy for me to just waller (I’m pretty sure that’s a word) in discontentment with this or that.  I have to remind myself to give thanks in everything.

You know, sometimes you can just get bogged down in everything that’s wrong instead of focusing on everything that’s right. 

Why is it God’s will for us to give thanks in everything?  When you focus on finding something to be thankful for in every situation something inside you will shift.  It’s an attitude adjustment, if you will. 

So really this practice is therapy for your soul.  So welcome to Therapy Thankful Thursday.  Feel free to share what you’re thankful for in the comments or share your blog post.

It is not happy people who are thankful;
It is thankful people who are happy. 

I’ll start with my little family.  I can always, always thank God for them and it will bring a smile to my face and my heart.  These are pictures from Easter.

Through fostering, there will be new faces added to this picture and forever added to our hearts.  Some may stay a short while and maybe one day there will be one (or more) that will stay forever.  But in any of those seasons, I will give God thanks for the precious children He has entrusted in our care.

And this man.  This vow.  This God ordained union.  I am thankful every day.  Through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Hello to Nine

Today my baby turns nine. 

 

 

This mama is struggling with this because obviously nine is no longer a baby.  But, my baby he is.  My second and last born. 

He’s changed our world these past nine years.  He’s teaching us how to be parents in a way his brother never has.  He’s funny.  Witty.  Charming to a fault.  He’s always working an angle.  Always up to something. He approaches life as one big court room in which he is the lawyer and everyone else is the jury that needs convincing.  He’s affectionate and still needs those hugs and kisses. 

His personality is so different than mine that sometimes I wonder how he grew in my belly.  I struggle to understand him.  But then other times, I sit back in amazement at the way God created him.  And I realize God has a purpose for this fire cracker that I could never imagine. 

So today instead of saying goodbye to a baby boy, I’m saying hello to a future orchestrated and written by our heavenly Father.  He loves him more than I do.  I trust Him to write a beautiful story for our Car-Man.

Hello to the last year in the single digits.

Hello to pre teen years.

Hello to growing in His faith.

Hello to his contagious love of life and his ability to make us laugh.

Hello to the privilege of seeing his ninth year unfold and being able to guide him as best we can.

Happy Birthday to one of the loves of my life!

He requested Walmart Cupcakes.  Yuck!



I'm linking with Lisa Leonard.

WIWW: Fun tees and a maxi skirt.

What I Wore Wednesday is a just little fashion fun.  Please know that I am not a fashionista, by any stretch of the imagination.  I just enjoy a little fashion fun and a little motivation to keep from dressing in jeans and a t-shirt everyday.  Because at my job that is perfectly acceptable.  Keeps me young and cool from feeling too old.

 

I'm linking with The Pleated Poppy.

 

So here it is, my latest photos taken with my phone in my closet with all of its' organized chaos. ;)

 

It's spring and I've been loving my maxi skirts lately.  I get bored with jeans and this is a very comfortable alternative.  Add a soft Old Navy tee, a little jewelry and I feel perfectly comfortable and somewhat put together.

 

The maxi is from Old Navy too and the necklace is Premier.

 

I found this tee at Cato.  How true?  I also wore it with the above maxi skirt.

 

And speaking of t-shirts, how awesome is this one?  I really think I need it...

It's been raining so much here so I brought out the rain boots and wore them with black jeans and a button up chambray.

 

That's all for now.  Happy Spring and happy maxi skirt wearing!

Saying Goodbye

So our foster journey has changed...

Almost two weeks ago, our two Littles left our home.  After seven months with these precious babies, we said goodbye.  It has been an adjustment and our hearts are sad, but there is a very good side to this story because God has been so good in the whole situation. 

Let me tell you all about it…

(First I need to say that I want to share as much of our story and our experiences as possible without sharing too much of the Littles' story. My prayer is that one day they will share their own stories and give God all the honor in doing so.)

Over the past months, we were asked several times if given the opportunity, would we be willing to adopt.  We always replied that we would consider it but never a definite yes.  We never felt at peace with saying yes for sure.  Although we love them (and always will) and knew that they would have a home with us as long as needed, we didn’t feel released to say yes to forever.

This bothered me badly (putting it mildly) for a long time.  I couldn’t say yes, but I couldn’t let these precious little people go somewhere that I didn’t know, without doubt, that they would be loved, safe and most importantly taught about the Lord.

I was letting this internal struggle torture me.  Let me tell you, this wasn’t good for me or anyone in our home. 

One morning on the way to work, I began to pray about it.  Serious prayer with my Father because I couldn’t carry the burden any longer.  

Enter peace that passes all understanding…

Goodness I’m stubborn.  I could have just given it to God in the beginning.  And you know what?  I told myself that I had, but I hadn’t. Not really.  God is good and I thank him for His patience with this stubborn chick. ;)

It is here that I need to interject another side to this story.  Our two Littles have an older sister.  She’s five and she’s precious.  She was (and still is) placed in a local foster home only a short distance from our home. 

Over the months we had developed a relationship with her foster parents who are dear, Godly people.  It was a blessing to walk the crazy journey that is foster care alongside them.  We were often able to pray for each other and encourage one another. 

They said yes to adopting big sister if given the opportunity and after some time God began to deal with them about adopting all three siblings.  That part is their story to tell but I’ll tell you it was pretty awesome the way God orchestrated. 

So about a week after my surrendering the situation to God, the other foster mom was having her own struggle.  After much prayer and confirmation from God, they decided they would be willing to adopt all three kiddos but didn’t know exactly where we stood on our end.  They didn’t want to hurt us and were just generally struggling with how to talk with us about it.

I was out of town for work and she called me.  She said she had to talk with me and began to tell me how God was leading them and how they don’t want to hurt us at all.  As she talked, I began to cry silent tears.  God was taking care of the situation in a way I least expected.

After she finished talking, I told her how this was an answer to prayer and she began to cry.  I had church with this sweet friend standing in the hallway of the hotel.  We were both astounded at the goodness of God.

Later she told me how terrified she was to have this conversation with me and how bathed in prayer it was before she even picked up the phone. 

Oh let me tell you, our God is good!

Very soon after, it was decided that it was best to go ahead and place all three kids in the other foster home.  So we spent about two months with the kids having visits with their new family to allow for an adjustment period. 

Then just before the kids moved, we had the privilege of taking them to Disney for Spring Break.  This was a special week for me, Roddy and our boys. 

Now they are in their new home and although the journey isn’t over, we know we can trust God to continue to work things out for all of our good.  They are doing well and adjusting fabulously.  I get pictures of the kids from my dear friend every day and I can’t even began to say what a blessing that is.  We are so blessed to be able to continue to be a part of their lives as aunt and uncle and can’t wait to see what God has for their future.

Saying goodbye has been hard.  But, we are so fortunate that this isn't the typical foster goodbye because it's not goodbye forever.  It's very hard to explain the emotions but this I do know...

Where joy and sadness meet, God is there also!

From My Playlist: Trials...can they be blessings?

Struggles, hard times and difficult situations are all around us. We are either struggling with a problem ourselves or know someone who is. 

Sometimes, as believers, we pray asking God to take care of a situation and we feel like our prayers are hitting a brick wall and bouncing back to us. We feel like there is no change in the situation and God isn’t there. 

Other times, we see God answer our prayers.  We see the amazing way he works things out.

But today, it’s the times we don’t see the answer that I’m thinking about.  In these times, it might be that victory comes in getting to the point that we can give it completely to God.  To rest.  To trust Him.  To know that he will have his way and his ways are good.

Sometimes the trials bring us closer to God.  We don’t choose them, but we can look back and see God’s hand in them.

God always has a reason for the struggle; the trial.  We aren’t promised tomorrow and we aren’t promised a life without trouble.  However, we are promised that he will never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), He knows the plans he has for us, to give us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11), that if we pray about everything the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard our hearts and minds (Philippians 4: 7), that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13) and so much more…

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

Doxology

Doxology, simply put, is an expression of praise to God.  Scripture is filled with doxologies.  The author is usually writing along on whatever the topic and the goodness of God seems to overwhelm them and they stop to praise Him in their writing. 

It’s an overflow of praise that comes from knowing the truth of God.

One example was in our Sunday School lesson yesterday morning.  We were studying I Timothy, chapter 6 and the main theme is contentment.  Oh that’s a hard one that we’ve probably all struggled with at one time or another and I’m not going there today.  But my favorite part of the lesson was the doxology we touched on at the end of class.

In 1 Timothy, chapter 6, Paul is instructing Timothy on doctrinal truths and then he interjects praise to God.  The truth of God and his goodness caused Paul to stop and give Him praise and recognition.  To recognize the reason He was writing the letter to Timothy in the first place and the reason they should live their lives “keeping the commandment without spot”.  He writes in verses 15b-16:

He who is the blessed and only Potentate, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, dwelling in unapproachable light, whom no man has seen or can see, to whom be honor and everlasting power.  Amen.

This is true worship and it comes from knowing the truths of God.  Knowing what God’s word says and it being written on your heart.  Because when you think on these things it causes a response…a response of praise and worship.

I can think back to so many doxological moments in my own life.  Sometimes His goodness stops me in my tracks and I have to just sit in awe of him or throw my hands up in worship or weep with joy because of his love; his mercy.

I attended a ladies service this past weekend and we sang a song I haven’t sang in a long time but it is perfect for what I’m saying today:

When I think about the Lord
How He saved me, how He raised me
How He filled me, with the Holy Ghost
How He healed me, to the uttermost

When I Think about the Lord
How He picked me up and turned me around
How He placed my feet on solid ground

 

It makes me want to shout
Hallelujah, Thank you Jesus
Lord, you're worthy of all the glory and all the honor
And all the praise.

Be reminded today of the goodness of the Lord and what he’s done in your life.  Stop and give him praise for it.  He’s worthy!

Hello Monday and 2015

It's Monday...time for hellos.

Hello to a new year.

Hello to getting back into routine.

Hello to our oldest' first basketball game tonight. He's excited! He's also cute. ;). Goodness he's getting big. 

Hello to keeping our Littles still at said basketball game. I'm thinking stroller and a movie. 

Hello to counting down the days until Spring Break. 

Hello to a new week, a new day and hitting the restart button.  Praise God we can do that because He knows I make a mess of things almost daily. 

Hello to a really late Christmas recap.  

decorating cookies

               

 

Excited Faces

ALL sin

It seems to me that many of us have some trouble accepting forgiveness for all of our sins.  We have no problem telling others (and believing it) that God will forgive them of all their sins when they put their faith in Jesus.  So how come we struggle with being forgiven ourselves?

I think it could be for the same reason we struggle with forgiving others.  Because when we accept forgiveness from God or give forgiveness to others it feels like we're saying,  "what I did was ok.  what they did to me was ok."  It wasn't ok.  It was sin.

Forgiveness doesn't mean the sin was ok to do, it just means you don't have to pay for that sin.  You owe nothing for it.  Jesus paid all the debt owed.

Jesus, in all his Godness and righteousness, willingly gave his life as a perfect sacrifice to pay the debt of all sins.  For all who will believe.

When we do not accept forgiveness for that one sin that just seems so overwhelmingly big, are we saying what Jesus did was not enough for that sin?  How arrogant is that?  Jesus, the son of God.  The perfect plan of God to bring salvation to the world wasn't enough?

My friend, my brother or sister, NO sin is bigger that what Christ did on the cross.  

None of us are worthy, no not one.  We are all sinners.  Romans 3: 10 We are all in the same situation and the penalty of sin is death and hell.  But, the good news is, the best news is, Christ paid the penalty and is offering to give us his cloak of righteousness in exchange for our dirty filthy cloak of sin.

For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. ~2 Corinthians 5:21

Just like that.  Believe.  Put your faith in Jesus Christ.  Repent of your sins and get to know God.  He loves you.  He's waiting for you.

If you've been a believer for a while but can't let go of that one sin or if you struggle with putting your faith in Jesus and believing that your sins can really be forgiven, my prayer is that you realize now that your sin isn't bigger than what Jesus did and let it go.  (sorry if I put that annoying song in your head :)  When you do that, you will truly be free.  Freedom in Christ is just that, a sinner who is forgiven.  Live your life free from your sin.  Not perfect.  Not without hard times.  Not without sin.  But free from the penalty of sin.

Us on Christmas Day.
Missing two beautiful Littles that I wish I could share.