Hello Monday and 2015

It's Monday...time for hellos.

Hello to a new year.

Hello to getting back into routine.

Hello to our oldest' first basketball game tonight. He's excited! He's also cute. ;). Goodness he's getting big. 

Hello to keeping our Littles still at said basketball game. I'm thinking stroller and a movie. 

Hello to counting down the days until Spring Break. 

Hello to a new week, a new day and hitting the restart button.  Praise God we can do that because He knows I make a mess of things almost daily. 

Hello to a really late Christmas recap.  

decorating cookies

               

 

Excited Faces

ALL sin

It seems to me that many of us have some trouble accepting forgiveness for all of our sins.  We have no problem telling others (and believing it) that God will forgive them of all their sins when they put their faith in Jesus.  So how come we struggle with being forgiven ourselves?

I think it could be for the same reason we struggle with forgiving others.  Because when we accept forgiveness from God or give forgiveness to others it feels like we're saying,  "what I did was ok.  what they did to me was ok."  It wasn't ok.  It was sin.

Forgiveness doesn't mean the sin was ok to do, it just means you don't have to pay for that sin.  You owe nothing for it.  Jesus paid all the debt owed.

Jesus, in all his Godness and righteousness, willingly gave his life as a perfect sacrifice to pay the debt of all sins.  For all who will believe.

When we do not accept forgiveness for that one sin that just seems so overwhelmingly big, are we saying what Jesus did was not enough for that sin?  How arrogant is that?  Jesus, the son of God.  The perfect plan of God to bring salvation to the world wasn't enough?

My friend, my brother or sister, NO sin is bigger that what Christ did on the cross.  

None of us are worthy, no not one.  We are all sinners.  Romans 3: 10 We are all in the same situation and the penalty of sin is death and hell.  But, the good news is, the best news is, Christ paid the penalty and is offering to give us his cloak of righteousness in exchange for our dirty filthy cloak of sin.

For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. ~2 Corinthians 5:21

Just like that.  Believe.  Put your faith in Jesus Christ.  Repent of your sins and get to know God.  He loves you.  He's waiting for you.

If you've been a believer for a while but can't let go of that one sin or if you struggle with putting your faith in Jesus and believing that your sins can really be forgiven, my prayer is that you realize now that your sin isn't bigger than what Jesus did and let it go.  (sorry if I put that annoying song in your head :)  When you do that, you will truly be free.  Freedom in Christ is just that, a sinner who is forgiven.  Live your life free from your sin.  Not perfect.  Not without hard times.  Not without sin.  But free from the penalty of sin.

Us on Christmas Day.
Missing two beautiful Littles that I wish I could share.

WIWW - Vacation Prep

 

We recently went on a great big family vacation to Washington, D.C.  It was the whole family...five siblings, five spouses and six kids all on the same plane.  We met up with Roddy's mom along with local family and friends in Maryland.  It was a great time with lots of memories made.  I'll share more pics of the trip soon. 

But today is What I Wore Wednesday, Packing for vacation edition...

The night before the trip, I packed myself.  Thank God I already had the other four people in my house packed up (hubs does his own ;))  So as I was putting my outfits together, I took pictures of a few to send to my sister for her input.  Is that weird?  Have you ever done this?  We do this often, my sister and I.  We get early weekday morning outfit pics, Sunday morning pics and night before pics from each other.  Girls gotta get another opinion, right?  Especially in my house.  If I ask my husband or boys, I'll get a thumbs up then get pushed out of the way of the TV.  (Its really not that bad, but close.)

So anyway, these are some of the pics I took to send her.  They are rough and blurry.  It was late.  I was tired.  And I needed jewelry and shoes to get the full affect, but that's OK.  It's still fun, right?

 



Outfit 1:  A comfy black maxi skirt with white stripes from Old Navy with a t-shirt and green cardigan.

Then I sent her this with a chambray shirt instead saying I think I like this better.  She agreed.  I had a really cute statement necklace to wear with this too and black booties.

Outfit 2:  Dress for Roddy's grandpa's memorial service.  I wore it with tights and booties.  Here we are the day of the service in front of the pretty little church where it was held. 

Outfit 3:  This was the final pic I sent - jeans, top from Old Navy and scarf.  She was probably getting tired of me by now. Oh and I'm not sure about the raised eyebrows...

Then I said wait, this is better?  I got her approval.  Then I left her alone.  The end. 

Why?

I'm a mess guys...  My emotions have been all over the place and I'm going to write about it.  Writing has always been a sort of therapy for me, however I may regret how publicly I am going with my therapy.  But, at the same time, I always come back to if what I write can help someone who may be going through a similar circumstance then putting myself out there is well worth it.

This morning was a typical Marvelous Monday morning.  My big boys go to school with my sister a little before me and I take the Littles to day care later on.  Of course I was running late (being Marvelous Monday and all) and knew that the only way they would get some breakfast in them was cheerios in the car.  I gave the littlest princess hers in a snack cup and the little guy his in a ziplock bag.  I put the bag of cereal on the side between the car seat and his leg hoping that this would prevent him from spilling it. 

We start to head down the road and I look in the rear view mirror.  I see big brown eyes starting to brim with tears, a pouty lip and a broken heart and something in me snaps.  I sob. 

Little boy is sad because he thinks that by putting the cereal on the side instead of in between his legs that I've said he can't have it.  I see below the surface of the cereal and see a broken spirit, a wounded heart and I break. 

I'm so angry!  I want to beat the air with my fists and shout out "why?" at the top of my lungs.  Why do these little ones have to deal with the ugliness of this world?  They didn't ask for this.  Why do people hurt and wound the ones they should love?  It isn't right.  It isn't fair!

While this has been building up for days within me; the frustration, the impatience, the anger, I know in the core of myself why.  Are any of us really any different than these little ones, than their parents?  The reality is we are all filthy sinners in desperate need of a loving saviour.  We are all wounded in one way or another. 

Some of us choose to accept the free gift of salvation, a regenerated life, the bridging of the gap between ourselves and God.  While others do not, have not yet...

But even when we do know the Lord and have a relationship with Him, there are still the why's, the frustration, imperfection and sin we deal with daily.  But we have a peace in the midst of the storm, He is called our anchor.

I heard a song I had never heard before today and these words jumped out.  They were exactly what I needed to hear:

I could throw my fist in the air demanding answers
But in spite of all the questions
I’m still giving You my life
And if it doesn’t turn out like I think it should
It doesn’t change the fact You’re always good

As long as we are in this fallen world, there will be evil, awful things.  But knowing Jesus is knowing hope.  Trusting Him is trusting all His ways.

I think this fostering journey is changing me more than the little guys.  Most days I'm a super big mess in need of a whole lot of grace.  But I know that this is what God has put before us.  This is who God brought to us.  Two little wounded lives.  I believe in time He is healing them and me...

I don't often ask for help, but today I'm asking for prayers.  If you read this and believe in the power of prayer, please mention us before our Heavenly Father.  And if you have a need, please comment and let me know and I will be glad to pray for you as well. 

We aren't meant to walk through this life alone.  Be blessed!  You are loved by an amazing God!

Broken to Beautiful: Part 4



 

Sweet homemade Valentine from my guys.

So the beginning of the last part of this story started around March of this year.  We were going through a very hard change (read part 3 here) and we were praying about whether or not to try again to have a baby.  The doctor had told us, once again, that he saw no reason why I couldn't have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby.  However, a huge part of me didn't want to go through that loss again.  So there was that and we were just really hurting about leaving our church when we got a dinner invitation.

The invite came from a great couple who we knew, had grown up with and been around in different seasons of our lives, but had never really hung out with a whole lot.  (If that makes sense...) It was a random invitation orchestrated by God.

The dinner was good and just what we needed.  We had so many things in common (we were going through very similar situations) that I believe we were able to minister to one another.  God is pretty amazing like that.  He always brings exactly who and what you need at exactly the right time.

That night in some of our conversations, it was randomly brought up that they had started the M.A.P.P. class.  M.A.P.P. stands for Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting and it is an 8 week class that is required for foster parenting and state adoption.  This sweet Godly couple said that they were gonna go through the class and see where God lead them.  They were saying that by taking the class it didn't mean you had to get licensed to foster but it was a step in that direction.  My sweet friend said, "Y'all should go to the next class with us.  You only missed the introduction, the first class starts this week."

We said OK and that we would think about it and that was it.  I honestly didn't think too much more about it.  You see, adopting has always been in the back of our minds, but fostering I shied away from.  I didn't think I could do it.  I didn't think I could deal with the hurt and loss that it would involve. 

The next couple of days my friend and I were texting and she mentioned the class again.  So I asked Roddy what he thought about just trying the class out.  I really thought he would say no not right now.  But, without much hesitation at all he said, "Yeah, let's try it.  What do you think?"  I said ok. 

So we went.  And listened.  And just like that our path was changed. Sometimes the ugly of the world is forgotten, kind of "out of site, out of mind".  Well this ugliness was in our faces.  It was as if God was saying, "Here are my little children.  They need you.  They need love.  They need Me.  What are you gonna do about it?"

We made a decision that first night.  I can't say it was a solid yes, (because this yes would definitely waver over the next months) but we knew there was no going back.  This was what God was asking us to do and it was up to us to obey.

There were a few details about taking this class that may not seem like a big deal, but for us it was the push, the green light, we needed to go forward.  First of all the class was held on Wednesday nights.  We had never been at a point in our lives where we weren't committed to church on Wednesday nights, but here we were, not committed and available.  Secondly, the childcare was provided.  The classes were held at a church with a good kids' program and our boys were welcomed.  Then, for the extra time the class went after church was over, more childcare was provided for us.  How awesome is that?

God opened this door for us, wide.  He worked out the details.  We just had to show up.  So we did,  week after week.  As I look back now, it was a good season for us.  God was using the time to heal us, to prepare us.



(Wedding fun in June.) 

By June, after mountains of paper work, two home visits, Craig's List purchases, one fire alarm, one new door knob, etc. etc....we had the class and the home study done.  All we had to do was wait for approval from the proper state authorities.

Now, I'm gonna be real and honest.  I'm the kind of person who has to think through every possible scenario, good and bad, to prepare my mind.  I needed to think through this whole foster thing and examine every crook and cranny of what could happen.  Needless to say I drove Rod crazy.  Countless times I would come to the conclusion that we couldn't do it.  There was just no way.  And every time Rod would remind me, no we can't do it.  But God can do it through us.  He was my good dose of perspective many times over (and still is).

July 4th gorgeous beach

 

Watching fireworks on the beach.

On July 24, I got a text that afternoon that said, "Congratulations, you are now a licensed foster home!"  I was excited, but I panicked.  Then I decided to breathe again.  I knew we had a trip coming up and we asked to not get a placement until after that trip.  So I knew I at least had a couple of weeks to finish prepping.

Us in St Louis

We went on our trip and came home.  I fully expected to have a placement the week we returned.  But over the next three weeks, we got probably four different prospective placement calls that didn't work out for one reason or another.

I now know that God was still preparing us for the two little people he had for us and late one September evening, in God's perfect timing, those two littles showed up at our home.  Four little arms were wide open thirsting for love.  Four little arms clinging to us with all the strength they had.  Two hearts needing to be rescued.

It has been a privilege these past few weeks.  An exhausting, very hard, overwhelming, emotional roller coaster privilege.  But, what an honor to be able to pour into theses little lives.  To love on them as much as possible, fight for them and pray over them daily. 

Precious little feet.

I'm not saying I have it all together, all the time.  There are moments of thinking we can do this and then moments where the fears and doubts creep in.  Sometimes, the only thing I have energy for is to say the name Jesus.  It's enough. 

Jesus, It's the name I whisper as I get them out of their beds in the morning and the last name I whisper as I put them down at night.  Because only He knows their story.  He is their rescuer. 

He has rescued me.  And everyday He makes the broken beautiful.

Marvelous Monday (insert sarcasm)

Marvelous Monday, you aren’t my friend.
Marvelous Monday strikes again.

The kids are grouchy. Mama is too.
Get out of bed, put on your clothes, comb your hair and don’t forget your shoes.

Marvelous Monday, I know you have to come
But why, oh why do you leave me feeling stunned?

Hurry, hurry, we are late!
Put that pop tart on a plate!

Lunches thrown together; anything to fill their gut
Mama, I have homework!  What?

The chaos is over.  I have a second to breathe.
Marvelous Monday you bring me to my knees.

I can make it.  Soon Monday will be behind.
All I ask is, “Tuesday, please be kind.”

Broken to Beautiful: Part 3

It's been a while.  I was procrastinating again because it's hard.  But I need to finish this part of my story.  I need to get it all out to give God all the glory.  Join me?  Read the intro here, part 1 here and part 2 here.  Be Blessed!

Christmas 2013

It probably started about 2.5 years ago.  The gentle urging in our spirits.  The whisper from the Lord asking us to change, to step away from the familiar and the known.  What he was asking was something so difficult for the both of us, that we ignored it for a while.  When ignoring was no longer possible, we prayed.  We prayed for two years and then prayed some more. 

You see, this was one of those changes that we didn't want to get wrong.  We wanted to know that it was God's will for us.  After much prayer, many conversations and even more tears we finally said yes.  It was the hardest yes I've ever had to say to God and as a wife to my husband.

In January, we made the decision to leave our home church of about 20 years.  To say this was home is a gross understatement.  Rod and I met at this church when we were only youth, participating in youth mission trips and doing drama together.  We married there.  We had our babies while there and it was the only church they knew.  We've shared so many memories and made so many dear friends.  Friends that will forever be family.  A lot of our blood family attends and my dad is the Pastor.  It was home.  Leaving was one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things I've ever done.

Home is familiar and safe.  Home is where everyone knows you.  They've seen some of your good and some of your bad and they still love you.  Home is security and stepping away from that is scary.

There was also another very personal inner struggle I had going on inside of  me.  We had been the Worship Leaders for about 13 years.  That's pretty much our whole marriage.  Letting this go was extremely difficult for me.  I love to sing.  Leading others in worshiping our wonderful God is my passion.  But, He is my biggest passion and to obey Him I had to let this title go.

I couldn't let "worship leader" define me.  Because really what God has placed in front of us as a way to serve Him could change at any time.  Just because the way we serve changes, it doesn't change who we serve.  He is the same.  It's His love and saving grace that defines who I am.

So , I gave this to God and if He wanted me to lead worship again, I would and if not I would learn to rest in that.  Has it been easy?  No way.  But the bottom line is I trust God.  Period.

It's almost been eight months since we stepped out into the unknown and God has been faithful.  God has lead us to a new church home with loving and awesome people.  A place where we are growing and being challenged in our walks with God.  Rod is playing guitar and I am singing with the worship team.  Our boys are thriving and growing in their relationships with God. Roddy is also going to seminary school online.

We didn't leave our church because of a disagreement.  We weren't mad or upset with anyone.  We were following the leading of the Lord.  I am only saying this because that is the case with so many.  However, we were heartbroken, kind of like leaving home when I went to college.  I was excited for the next step but I cried myself to sleep that first night away from home.  With time that hurt healed and with time this hurt is healing. 

I praise God for those 20 years and will be forever grateful for those people who poured themselves into me so that I might be able to empty into others. My relationship with God was nurtured and grew.  I was blessed with many relationships that I will cherish forever. 

This was a big step we had to take that lead us to the next big yes for our lives.  In fact I think everything in our lives this far have lead us to this yes.  I will tell you all about it in part 4...